Leaving Public School: The First 90 Days of Decompression
The hardest part of leaving school isn't starting a new curriculum. It's stopping the habit of being managed.
When I was homeschooled, I didn't experience "decompression" because I had never been in the system. But as I speak to families who are just leaving public school, I see the same pattern every time: the parents are frantic to find a "replacement" school at home, and the children are exhausted from years of being told what to think. Both parties need to decompress.
Decompression is the process of unlearning the habits of the factory model. It is the necessary silence between the loud noise of the institution and the quiet rhythm of freedom.
The Panic of Doing "Nothing"
In the first 90 days of leaving school, it will look like your child is doing "nothing." They might sleep more. They might play more video games. They might stare at a wall. This is not laziness; it is a nervous system resetting itself. For years, they have been externally managed. Now that the manager is gone, they have to figure out who they are when no one is watching.
Reidentifying as a Learner
During school, most children identity "learning" as an unpleasant task they do for someone else. Decompression is about rediscovering that learning is something they do for themselves. This cannot be forced. It happens when the child finally gets bored enough to follow a curiosities because they want to, not because it's assigned.
Decompression Check
- Are you trying to recreate a "classroom at home," or are you building a life?
- Can you handle a week where no "academic" work gets done?
- What does your child do when they are "bored"? This is where their talent lies.
The 90-Day Rule
Give yourself and your child at least one month of decompression for every year they were in school. If they were in for three years, take three months. During this time, your only goal is to reconnect as a family and observe what naturally captures their interest. Don't buy a curriculum yet. Don't set a schedule. Just breathe.
As I plan to homeschool, I'm reminding myself that the most productive thing I can do is sometimes just to get out of the way. Freedom doesn't need to be managed; it just needs to be allowed.