Teens, Autonomy, and Trust: Letting Go Without Losing Direction
The teenage years are often framed as a period of rebellion. But in a freedom-based life, rebellion is replaced by transition.
When I was homeschooled, my teen years weren't a battleground of permissions and curfews. They were a gradual apprenticeship into adulthood. Because I had the autonomy to manage my own time and projects, I didn't need to "rebel" against a system to feel powerful. I already had the power to shape my own life.
Teen rebellion is often a natural reaction to being treated like a child when your biology is screaming that you are an adult. By keeping teens in classrooms where they must ask for permission to use the bathroom, we create the very friction we then complain about.
Trust as a Strategy
Trusting a teenager doesn't mean leaving them to flounder. It means shifting from the role of "manager" to the role of "consultant." When my parents stopped telling me what to do and started asking me "How can I help you achieve your goal?", everything changed. I stopped hiding my interests and started seeking their advice.
The Pursuit of Real Responsibility
Teens need high stakes. They need to do work that actually matters to someone other than a teacher. Whether it's starting a business, organizing a community event, or mastering a difficult craft, real responsibility is the only cure for teen apathy.
Teen Check
- Does your teen have work that has real-world consequences?
- Do you speak to your teen as a subordinate or as a junior partner?
- What would happen if you stopped managing your teen's schedule for a week?
The Graduation of the Soul
As I plan to homeschool my own children, Iām looking forward to the teen years as a time of partnership. I want them to look back on this time not as a period of constraint, but as the time they first realized they were capable of anything.